Opinion
Spoiler alert: Dealing with a colleague who always gives away the ending
Jonathan Rivett
Freelance writerQuestion:
I work in a team that gets on very well. A lot of us love to spend lunch times and coffee breaks talking about TV, movies and music.
A few of us are becoming fed up with a member of the team who has discovered our discussions and participates in a most frustrating way. They constantly give away important details of coming episodes or plot points in movies some or all of us haven’t seen.
Illustration by John ShakespeareCredit:
We like to welcome all contributions, and one of the joys of our group is listening to different perspectives and finding out about new genres, but this contribution is annoying. Some of us think the “spoiling” (as one member of the team termed it) is deliberate.
Should we go against our better judgement and exclude this irritating colleague?
Answer:
I’d hold off on exclusion for a few reasons. The first is that if some of your colleagues’ suspicions are wrong, and this person isn’t intentionally revealing what happens in shows and films that others intend to watch, ostracising them might be harsh. Even unfair.
Although the constant nature of the spoiling does seem odd, I think obliviousness is entirely possible. This person may simply never have had an opportunity to enjoy conversations with peers about extracurricular stuff until now, and for that reason, they may not be practised in such conversations, and be unaware of the etiquette or conventions that surround them.
Yes, their behaviour would be incredibly trying. They may seem like a Homer Simpson-esque buffoon, wandering out of a cinema in the 1980s and announcing to the people lining up to see The Empire Strikes Back that Darth Vader is Luke’s father. (I’m so sorry if you’re one of the three people who haven’t got around to seeing that film yet.) They may, in fact, be that person. But being over-eager and thoughtless is very different to being malicious.
I imagine they’re probably delighted to be part of your community, and it’s possible that their enthusiasm keeps spilling over into these unfortunate disclosures. If, without warning, you exclude this person from your group for what turns out to be innocent (or at least ignorant) spoiling, there’s a decent chance you’ll hurt their feelings. Maybe even devastate them. Before you do that, make it absolutely clear that there are some simple rules that everyone in the group needs to follow. And that one of the most important is determining whether plots and events are “on” or “off” the discussion table when chatting about a certain show or film.
If, however, your co-workers’ suspicions are right, and this person is interfering in the group just to exasperate, I think you have every right to be appalled. A little bit of mischief can be fun in a workplace, but this is way beyond that; it’s juvenile and unkind. Yes, it’s small in the scheme of things, but it’s still an attempt to wreck something that you and your work friends love. If this is the case, I don’t think the person you’re writing about deserves your accommodation.
The problem I see, apart from the fact you keep finding out about story turns you wanted to remain a secret, is that excluding a person like this may not have the effect you want. In fact, I can easily imagine that their behaviour is designed to provoke. And so they might take being told they’re not welcome as a kind of victory… but perhaps not the kind that will end their game.
Instead of telling your difficult colleague that you’d like them to stop participating, perhaps consider chatting somewhere different than usual, a place where you know they won’t be. Yes, it’s letting their meanness change the way you order your day (and it may feel like bowing to an antagonist), but if it works it will starve them of their perverse satisfaction.
If that’s not an option or seems like too big a compromise, you may need to confront this person and essentially tell them to shut up. They’re not just spoiling the entertainment you enjoy, but spoiling part of your workday. If this is all deliberate, they don’t deserve your kindness or discretion.
Send your questions to Work Therapy: jonathan@theinkbureau.com.au
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