Opinion
Why stop at schools? Ban mobile phones in the office, gym and public transport
Thomas Mitchell
Culture reporterIn my previous job, there was a lovely colleague who sat a few pods over from me in the office, and I quite liked him, except for the fact he exclusively took all his phone calls on loudspeaker.
As most normal people know, the speaker phone function is reserved for private calls in your own home or for characters on the TV show Succession. Unfortunately, this colleague had missed the memo, and every week I was a captive audience in his mundane conversations.
It should also be illegal to take a call on loudspeaker in any public place at any time.
He once spent 15 minutes on the phone with his wife discussing what they might have for dinner that night (lasagne, even though he didn’t feel like it), followed by what else they needed from the shops (bananas because they were on sale, wholemeal bread and rice cups, brown not white).
Other issues I became unwillingly privy to included hiring a new cleaner because the old one had gotten lazy, why it was raining in the city but not at their house, and their respective thoughts on the current season of the British crime drama Vera, which they both loved but agreed the previous season was better.
It all became too much when I was forced to listen to his wife trying to recall a dream she had that night before, something to do with being at the circus. There is nothing worse than someone retelling you their dream, except, of course, being forced to listen to someone you don’t know retelling their dream on loudspeaker.
At this point, the obvious solution presented itself: we must ban mobile phones from the office.
I’ve sat with this proposal until the time was right, but I figure this is the ideal moment for such a radical idea because it’s been a big week for people who like banning things.
We’ve seen rap music banned from the Easter Show and TikTok banned from politicians’ and public servants’ work devices for fear the Chinese government might steal our data or make fun of our dance moves.
But arguably, the ban that broke the camel’s back (the camel being me, the back being this column) was the ban on mobile phones from high schools in NSW. Fresh from becoming NSW Premier, Labor leader Chris Minns came good on his election promise to ban mobile phones in all public high schools during school hours.
As much as I support preventing teenagers from watching TikToks during school (will they even bother now that their favourite politicians are off the app?), this ban doesn’t go far enough.
We already know that Australians are addicted to phones, with a 2022 report by the Global System for Mobile Communications finding that we top the ranking for mobile phone usage and ownership. Our phone habits are out of control, and it’s time we instituted a national phone ban.
As a concerned member of the public, I will outline my draft proposal below.
In addition to the office, phones should be banned in the gym because they only serve to either shame or annoy people. The gym should be a phone-free sanctuary where we can all privately partake in the painful slog that is bettering ourselves.
I don’t go to the gym to accidentally end up in the back of some influencer’s workout video while I try (and fail) to do an assisted pull-up. Nor do I want to watch someone on their phone while sitting on a piece of popular equipment.
You just know this guy is refreshing his Instagram to check how many people liked his “early bird gets the worm” work out post.Credit: Stock
Like most people, I go to the gym to offset my poor diet and maintain the illusion that I am healthy.
Up next on the National Mobile Phone Ban Plan, public transport, all forms. As a regular commuter, I find it baffling that people take calls on a packed train or bus, let alone catch up with their entire family on FaceTime.
Especially when these conversations almost always descend into one person repeating the phrase, “Sorry, I’m on a train” because no one can hear one another.
Most people on public transport hate themselves (I know because I am one) and want to sit in total silence, so any form of audible conversation is banned.
“OMG NO WAY AND THEN WHAT HAPPENED?” Using the phone on public transport should be a criminal offence.Credit: Stock
I will allow listening to music or podcasts, reading the news on your phone (this masthead only), or mindlessly scrolling Instagram until you nearly miss your stop.
Obviously, this proposal is aspirational and borderline delusional, but wouldn’t it be nice to exist in a world where we weren’t held hostage by the vice-like grip phones have on us? A kind of utopia where people enjoyed each other’s company, were blissfully ignorant of their coworkers’ dinner plans and could break a sweat without worrying the whole world was watching. Doesn’t that sound like paradise? It actually reminds me of this dream I had …
Find more of the author’s work here. Email him at thomas.mitchell@smh.com.au or follow him on Instagram at @thomasalexandermitchell and on Twitter @_thmitchell.
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